57 Perfect Things

NOLA is doing it's thing with ensuring the world still knows it's a third world country, the niner's are fast asleep in their route running, and I can only hope Bane intervenes to give us some entertainment.  Here's 57 things I believe are perfect- not in any order, just 57 things.

Sports- sports provide more drama than can ever be scripted by Hollywood.  People live and die with their teams which provide so many emotional arcs in their life. 

  

The Corvette- It's America's perfect mix between the muscle car and a sports car.

Tag Heur Monaco watch- Classic, beautiful, stunning.  A watch you can be proud to wear under any circumstance.

Sriacha- The Rooster RULES!!!!!

Adidas Superstar's- The originals, white and black.  Run DMC made these famous to the masses but those of us who rocked Samba's and Gazzelle's were already well aware of them.

That space in-between a woman's back and butt when her back is arched.  Whatever this is called it should be in our vernacular more.

James Bond Movies- Daniel Craig is the best bond; blasphemy  I know but also true.  The writing and return to what Albert R Broccli envisioned in his original material has given life to a franchise driven by gimmicks and bond driving a freaking Z4.  Thank You, thank you very much.

Sitting around a fire outdoors.  Maybe it's etched in our caveman DNA but the bond of fire and outdoors is magic.

Mexican Food- If you don't love it we can't friends.

Medium rare plus cooked ribeye steaks

The Jalapeno- Kind of goes with number 9, but it's so much more than that.  Add it to anything and make it better.  ANYTHING.

Ayn Rand, 'The Fountainhead'- Everyone knows 'Atlas Shrugged', but I love the complications and confusion of the precursor.  I also appreciate how there isn't 40 pages of a manifesto in this one while relating very much to Roark and Dominique's relationship.  I assume that's how mine will develop at some point.

Marmot Guide Down Vest- I don't know how Marmot makes it so warm- it's 650 fill down but I think they also line it with magic heat batteries.  You'll never be cold with it or the Zeus down jacket.

Coozies- personal, keeps the beverage cold, and portable.

'Newton's Cradle' by Ludovico Einaudi & PMCE Parco delle Musica Contemporanea Ensemble- it sounds strange but I listen to this before every soccer game. Every game.

Reef Flip Flops- I have 4 pairs, I prefer the Fanning's and the Playa series but everyone has their own favorites.  They last forever, are ridiculously comfortable like their slogan says, and stylish.

The fan cheers at an English football match- "U-N-I-T-E-D, United are the team for mewith a nick nack paddy wack give the dog a bone;why don't City F*** off home".  MAN U

Watching the sunrise from a beach

Payday candy bars- It's not as flashy as Snickers or have the following as M&M's but it's my favorite.

Family Guy- I could watch episodes of Brian and Stewie for years on end

Sitting on a Patio with friends having a cold beer

Fast and Furious Franchise- Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I don't care what you say, it's great.  It dips a lot in places but overall it's fantastic for guys.  Cars, girls, faster cars, exotic locations, and more cars.

The little Ticket- 1310 AM.  Sports talk radio that is so much more.  I never would've thought talk radio would be a focus of my day. P1's unite over baby arm, we're having fun here, no?

Vans Original Checker slip on's

Seared scallops

Girls with tattoo's- Not that stupid tramp stamp stuff, but the well designed or throughout work which shows both the artist's and personality of the individual.  Also, if you're under 25 the neck tattoo instantly signals giving up on life.

Sunglasses

William Shatner as Denny Crane- His Boston Legal character was genius, genius I tell you!

Led Zepplin "Hey, Hey, What can I don"- John Marshall and I used to wail this song in Austin.  The chorus rings true to this day of romance and heartbreak.

Sugar Skulls

JM's Laugh- When she's laughing then RM is happy, when RM is happy JM is happy and that means the world is a beautiful place.

SQL Server- Orcale and SAP don't have a clue and SAS is sitting at the kids table.

Coffee

Lionel Messi- the best player in the world. and he's 5'6".

The Joe Rogan Experience- His podcast has introduced me to so many new information outlets.  Tim Ferriss, Dave Asprey, Cara Santa Maria, Bert Kreicher, Ari Shaffir, Joey Diaz, Shane Smith, all of these folks entertain me for days.

Clint Dempsey- A Texan in the EPL?

BBQ- Brisket and ribs with some sausage.  Smoke it, grill it, sauce or no sauce, either way and I'm there.

Nappanook-  This red wine is what the Domaine vineyards deem not worthy enough for Domaine.  I'm too impressed to see what Domaine considers quality grapes and try their top stock.

Bulletproof Coffee- Dave Asprey started this.  Single source organic coffee, 1 Tbls MCT oil, 1 Tbls organic grass fed non-salted butter.  Brew the coffee, add to a blender with the rest, mix and drink.

Jay Z, 'Brooklyn We Go Hard'- Such a catchy hook it makes you want to C walk.  If you don't know what C Walking is, ask Ericka or someone else from Central. Br-ook-ly-n...

The feel of a big city at night- The country always feels like it's slumbering at night but the City has a vibe like an addict who is been off blow 3 weeks and could crack at any moment.  Restless; the eye of a tornado with  bright lights.

Quenten Tarinto- Some people hate him, but his direction is perfect.  He keeps getting better too!  He followed up Kill Bill with Inglorious Bastards which he followed up with Django Unchained.

Zoe Saldana

Deluxe 57 at Mi Cocina- Cheese Enchilada, Chcken Enchilada, Beef Enchilada, Beef Taco, Cheese Taco, Rice and Beans. Feeds 2 normal sized people with left overs or one fat kid (Arrow pointing clearly at self)

Cole Hahn Shoes- At first the dress shoes are stiff.  Real leather and craftsmanship means forcible anal rape in prison is almost more appealing then the break in preiod.  After that, they are wonderful and the praise from the opposite sex on your attention to detail (ahem, having great shoes) will rain down in buckets.  Please buy kiwi and keep those bad boy's shined too!

Trudy's Mexican Martini- It's only in the Austin area but it's worth going.  Hit up Salt Lick while you're there and Wahoo's.

Gap 1969 Standard fit jeans- Having 17.5" calves and quads to match means finding jeans is up there with a prostate exam.  When you find a pair that fits great you horde them.  Se7en used to make one pair that fit, same with Buffalo and Joe's Jeans.  Now the standard fit is slim and the slim is spandex.  I want a regualr standard fit that doesn't static cling my legs, Gap does this.  I just hate going in there...

Ghostbar & Craft closing at the W- The world is a better place without either in Dallas

Front pocket Wallets- RM screamed the virtues of these for years.  When I finally tied it his "Your sciatic nerve will thank you" was spot on.  Three years without out going back.  Men, you're a savage if you rock the traditional wallet.

Vegas Bomb- Pandora's Box was opened when the first bartender concocted this.

Monet, 'Sunset in Venice'- While too personal and complicated to explain I have a hand painted impression from an artist who was local with it's own story.

Rap-Nas, Drake, Lil Wayne, Slim Thug, 2 Pac, Biggie...

The first kiss- It can take on so many forms; innocent, messy, overdue, sweet, but it's always great.

Ironing- I love the symmetry involved in ironing.  Making the razor sharp lines in dress shirts and slacks appeals to me in a calming manner.

Boston Teran, 'God is a Bullet'- I've owned the paperback 4 times and each time I lent it out it was never returned.  Now I have a copy on my iPad so its safe.  The pace of the story and descriptive elements are so unique   Read this.

Porsche 911- Beauty that transcends time.  It's cheese, but the best way I know how to describe a car whose design is largely unchanged since development by Ferdinand Porsche.  One day.. one day...

Traveling solo- Something to be said for being on your own schedule and doing whatever you want to do.

Endless conversations with friends- I'm convinced if you put me and a select group of 10 friends in a room we would fix the worlds problems over the course of a night.  We just need a case of shiner, some red wine, steak, seafood, chips with salsa and queso and we'll bang that shit out.  It's not that difficult and we wouldn't be dealing with any lobbyist.  In fact I'm pretty sure every time I've gone camping, out in Austin, a long trip, oversea's or had a long Tuesday night dinner I've solved it ten fold.  Just don't let me present it, I have zero filter and I'd (purposely) slip in some very politically incorrect language.  Seriously though, those are the best moments...

Rafting in Honduras Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewjJw2LtrZ8 

After being a lazy ass for a few months I've finally gotten around to editing together the rafting video from Honduras; scheduling 11:15 soccer games at Friday night does that. The zip line video will be up shortly!

2012 Power Ranking List

With the end of 2012 it's time once again for the 2012 power ranking.

Album:
Life is Good- Nas.  I haven't heard a rap album this good in a long time.  There are a lot of great party songs   throw on haphazardly bad albums.  With almost every rapper out there continuing to only rap about eating it's great to get the more insightful Nas of old.  After coming home to find Kellis gone only leaving her green wedding dress he wrote lyrics about his emotions.  He wrote some of the best tracks he's ever written, so as bad a this is to say, thank you Kellis!  Cherry Wine with Amy Winehouse, Stay, Bye Baby, and Back When have the Old Nas feel but then tracks like Accident Murderers feel almost like Either.  Jazz has always been some of the best aspects Nas incorporates into his music, this time around he brings more of it back to mesh with his analytical raps.

*Honorable Mention- Blunderbuss- Jack White.  It's blues, it's rock, it's part southern country rock; it's confusing, tangled, written wonderfully and perfect.

Songs:

1. Bye Baby- Nas.  Whatever happened with his break up with his wife Kellis put him back to old Nas. Story telling at it's best with the emotion of a break up and the eventuality of a clear conscious and coming to terms with the end. 
2. HYFR- Drake.  A song that livens up any atmosphere and turns things instantly into a party.  The barmitzvah video is genius.
3. Hamilton- OB O'Brien.  The piano does it for me on this one, hopefully this little known rapper from Toronto has a great follow up.
4. Gin, Smoke, and Lies- Turnpike Troubadours.  Slower and more intuitive than their previous release, it was also a great concert followed by a Tejano country bar and Original Pancake house at 3am.  
5. Wait So Long- Trampled by Turtles.    A blue grass band of late 20 somethings from Minnesota.  They use the blue grass elements to match perfectly with the lead singers voice.  The song would sound at home in the 1950's in the mountains of West Virginia or played at a hipster bar now.
6. They Ready- DJ Khalid, J Cole, Big Krit, & Kendrick Lamar. Khalid does the beat but the difference of tempo between all three make for a great song.  The second I heard it I thought of my friend Nemo bouncing in the car.  Mixing the old 70's funk with the new beats also makes for a great song and all three kill their verse.
7. My Moment- DJ Drama, 2 Chainz, Meek Mill, & Jeremiah.  A thought provoking song that takes the age old phrase of  'Carpe Diem' in a different light.  The beat DJ Drama came up with and the hook blend perfectly.
8. Snapbacks and Tattoo's- Dricky Graham.  Just a fun song, not a lot to it but its a good dance track to throw your hands up too.
9. Lights (Bassnectar Remix)- Ellie Goudling and Bassnectar.  Ellie has an amazing voice and Bassnectar doesn't ruin it with over introduced dubstep.
10. Little Black Submarines- The Black Keys.  I can't explain what draws me to this song but its significantly better than any other stuff they play on the current "alternative" radio station.  It could be the black and white style of the song when it goes from acoustic to raw; but I don't know.  It's beautiful.

Best Movies- I have yet to see Argo, Lincoln, Silverlinings playbook, Skyfall, or Django Unchained...

1. The Dark Knight Rises- no surprise here.  Christopher Nolan does a fantastic job of building a story arc within his complete story.  The characters are developed with an art seldom seen in movies today with a powerful story.  The ending has some cheesy parts, but it's great overall.
2. Ted- Seth Macfarlane is a genius and Ted is a masterpiece of humor.  It's not for everyone; I'd hate to watch it with my parents as we don't see the same angles of comedy but with friends my age they appreciate it for what it is.
3. The Dictator- Sacha Baren Cohen delivers another great comedy.  Even watching it at 11:30 on a Wednesday with work people I couldn't stop laughing.
4. Everything Must Go- I was initially skeptical of Will Ferrell in a drama but since it was on netflix streaming I went for it.  The movie shows how great he is at an actor, not just a comedy actor but an actor as a whole.  Very well done movie.
5. Sleep Walk with Me- Mike Birbiglia's true life story that he wrote, produced, starred, and directed has a lot going for it.  Another one that's on Netflix streaming and is way better than what's normally on Netflix.

Biggest Let Down Movies:

1. Bourne Legacy.... So boring   Nemo and I watched this one on a Sunday afternoon and it didn't hold up to the bourne series.  I assume they are going to make another out of this one, they would've condensed this one to 20ish min in part two.
2. Prometheus- Visually stunning.  Some of the best scenes of landscape and principal photography I've ever seen.  As for the story and sequence... Can someone please reel Ridley Scott in and have him re-watch his earlier movies???  This was more Tony Scott than Ridley- The concept of the story could have gone some many different ways but it crashed and burned.
3. The Hunger Games- a lost of hunger and not a lot of games.  Maybe if I hadn't already been a huge fan of Battle Royale, the Japanese version that was done 13 years previously and 100 times better I might have bought that crap.  The movie reminded me of articles about what men think written by women. 
4. Act of Valor- horrible, horrible acting.  I thought it would be Black Hawk Down (one of the best movies of all time) with Navy SEALS.  Instead I found my self wishing I had the 1990 version of Navy SEALS with Charlie Sheen.  A few cool scenes, but overall it was crap.
5. Savages- Oliver Stone must be on a lot of coke to try and belive that two dudes could ever share a chick like that.  He's out of his fucking mind to try and convince us that two rich drug dealers would share the women and not kill each other... what a looney.

Best Overall Male Athletes

Lionel Messi-  91 goals.  That's right a futbol player gets my best athlete of 2012.  For everyone that complains about 1-1 ties and 0-0 ties a player who can score 91 goals in a season should impress even the least intelligent.  To put that in perspective in Pele's best year he had 75... Messi manages to score goals when every team is trying to stop him and the defenders look to break his ankles.  He is phenomenal and his play is art, he will be talked about for 30 years like Pele is.  

Worst Male Athlete

Josh Hamilton-  Can't hit the ball because the sun is in your eyes, has withdraw issues from energy drinks and snuff, gets into issues at Sherlocks, hits 4 homeruns in a game that was in the bad but can't do shit at the end of the season... Then throws "God" into every question and answer as a stop gap to shut down the issue.  Good Riddance.

Best Overall Female Athlete

Abby Wambauch/ Ronda Rousey

Abby- The USA Women V Canada game in the 2012 Summer Olympics was one of the best soccer matches of all time.  The US won 4-3 in overtime and were down 3 times.  During the tourney Abby always seemed to pull a goal out when it was needed; unstoppable on the pitch.  Second Behind Mia in career goals she is still a beast on the field.

Ronda- 5'6" and 135 lbs of terrifying jujitsu.  6-0 in MMA this former bronze Olympic medalist and gold medal world champion has beat all challenges in MMA.  No one has been able to get out of the first round with her and that sick arm bar.  The dream fight would be for the man/ women steroid induced Christine Cyborg to not fail a test and face her clean... doubtful since she looks like a meta-morph right now.

Worst Female Athlete

Lolo Jones- Fine as hell, don't get me wrong.  I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "no matter how fine she is some guy somewhere is tired of her shit".  That's Lolo.  Cocky, self righteous, and another one that contends everything good is because of god yet everything bad is due to her mis-steps.  I might last 8 minutes in conversation if I could tune her out and stare at her beauty... 

Best Beer

Velvet Hammer- Peticolas Brewery (http://peticolasbrewing.com/home.php).  I hate IPA's.  I imagine they taste like cat shit.  This concoction that Micheal Peticolas and the folks at his brewery came up with is heaven.  I was privy to taste it during the European championships at the Londoner in Addison.  Dallas is finally starting to do what Houston and Austin have been up too for a few years in delivering some amazing micro brews.  Even though Peticolas is late in the game they make up for it by turning out the best beers I've ever had.  

Worst Beer

Tweason'ale- At the end of October I was in San Antonio for a friends birthday.  One night we each picked up some new beers and I had the misfortune of selecting Dogfish Head's Tweason'ale.  I've had a lot of Dogfish Head (their punkin ale is top 5 all time for me) and I don't blame them for this, this one was my fault.  This is some vegan, gluten free, sourgum beer.  It was awful.  It was so bad I had one and left it for my friends.  They tried one and left it for other friends.  So far no one has been able to drink a full one, let alone two.  

Best New Car

911 Porsche (991 body)-  Updated and enhanced while still retaining the classic lines that make the Porsche 911 an all time favorite.  The 991 update to the Porsche 911 is a dream car.  There are multiple variations of it from the standard Carrera to the supercar killing 500 horsepower all wheel drive 0-60 in 3.2 seconds 911 Turbo.  The 911 look and styling Ferdinand Porsche designed in 1959 still echo in each curve.  I want one of these more than any other car out there.

Worst Car

 Any small or midsize American made car... When Kia, the new kid on the block from Korea, can out design anything America puts out under 35K they need to go back to the "eye test".  Boring and mundane with no soul or edge, this is what $35K of American engineering is up to.  Cadillac is the only one with multiple models of interest these days; Ford has the Mustang variations, Chevy the Camaro and Vette, Dodge the Challanger, but what else is there?  Toyota with their Scion brand make some interesting, very well made cars along with Subaru and Nissan but America can't keep up.  Too little, too late.

Hacking the Body; starting the experiment

I've become very interested in Nootropics and "hacking" the body recently.  After listening to some podcasts with Tim Ferriss (http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/) and Dave Asprey (http://www.bulletproofexec.com/) and hearing about their approach to life, working out, eating, and just living the things they said made a lot sense to me.  As a very brief overview, both have their own ideas but come together on a lot of things in practice.  Neither agree the FDA and conventional wisdom about health works.  Tim pioneered the slow carb diet which is basically eating nothing that could be white, no fruits, starting the day with 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes of waking up, and eating a ton of beans and veggies.  He's a master at using the MED (minimal effective dosage) to produce amazing results and has the independent science and research from UC Berkley, Harvard, and UC Davis, among others to back up his findings.  Dave made his first million at 26, spent $250k on testing his own body to prove his theories and has spoken at Wharton, Kellogg, and University of California.  Both have the science and continue to believe that the correlation of something doesn't mean the causation of something.  After looking looking at how I process things and learn I was on board.  I've believed that for a long while but I didn't seem to have or know how to acquire the tools to change certain things about me.  While always doing things my way I've succeed in some things and failed miserably in others.  But now I have a plan....

Background: I started my first "real" job doing data entry for a law firm making $14/hr.  This was fan-fucking-tastic to me when I signed on.  After 3 years and working my way up the later I made a move to get out of the business and production side to move over to developing Crystal Reports and databases; without ever writing code or having an understand of it before.  When I started learning to write code I was always at odds from the way my lead was doing things.  Most people who write code come from an MIS background; as you're building the code you build it in in an specific order, when problems arise or additions are needed you add a secondary table with the needed information and since this was an after affect you don't index it by the primary key nor do you have a single primary key, oid, or Dim_Skey to link to the main tables.  MIS developers build what is asked, but not necessarily what is needed.  Coming from the business side I would ask numerous questions of the end users and report writers to see how each table should interact with each other along with their purpose.  After 2 weeks of frustration the lead gave up on me.  So took the most basic code I could find and would change various pieces, I also took complex code and dissected small pieces to see what they did.  While this wasn't the optimal way of learning for some it gave me a great base.  If you understand what the code should do then changes or new additions aren't as daunting.  You approach things as a puzzle to solve not a problem to fix as soon as possible.  That was kind of a long way of getting to the current topic but here it is:

I've gone in and out of shape for the last 10 years.  My weight in the military was 128 at it's lowest and hovered around 155.
Right now I'm 223 but I've been as high as 240.  I could give you the excuse that my lower body is roughly built like an NFL linebacker while my upper body could easily been mistaken for the comic guy from the Simpsons, Benji Monlina or Seth Rogan most resemble it.  I've had 3 major injuries in the last year and a half: a torn left calf muscle, torn popliteal (which they thought was a torn ACL), and a broken elbow.  Getting older sucks dick.  To Now:
2007:                                                                          Now:

Monday I started walking to and from work.  It's not far, a little over a mile.  But I needed to start small.  Walking gave me a little more exercise than I was getting but it also set my mind in motion for planning my work day.  One the way home it gave me time to relax, figure what all I needed to do around my house and get familiar with the city and where I lived.  It took one day of this to convince me I needed to implement it full time.  I spoke to someone randomly in line at the samich (how it should be spelled) joint in our cafeteria and found out we have a gym with showers.  That cemented the idea even further and gave way to new possibilites.  Now that it's mid 40's when I leave for work at 630 I can walk and not be a sweat box that smells like ballsack all day.  Add to it that we have showers and my fat ass can now run (or gallop) the 1.2 miles to work.  Here's my plan and thought... It's ambitious to say the least but I'm motivated.

Goal Weight- 180
time: 27 weeks
Motivation: not be the fat American as I run with the MF bulls in Pamplona; and not to donate to a Superpac on the StickK site
Methodology:

Breaaakfast (say it as Jay did in Jay and Silent bob strike back and you'll have a smile every time): 30 grams of protein in 30 min of waking up. followed by Bulletproof Coffee (single source organic coffee, 1 Tablespoon of MCT oil, and 2 tablespoons or unsalted organic butter) sounds gross but its fucking delic!
Lunch and Dinner: some concatenation of beans with meat.  This is one is pretty easy since I don't eat veggies anyway.  But I do love Pho and Soup so that part blows.
Work out Goal: run to and from work 3x a week and kettlebells 3x a week.
Cheat Day: once a week to spike the levels

Drugs I'll take:
Protein powder  a combo of whey and hemp.  Hemp protein tastes whey better (get it) but costs more since we're retarded in the US and think Hemp is weed.
Pills:

• Fish Oil- 3,000 mg

• B-complex- 100mg of: B1, B6, B12
• New Mood (www.onnit.com): 15 mg of B6, 1000 iu d3, 25mg niacin, 150mg magnesium, 500mg l-trytophan, 100mg 5-HTP, 200mg Valerian, 200mg Chamomile, 100mg Lemon Balm, 100mg Jujube seed extract.
• Alpha Brain  (www.onnit.com)- 10mg B6, 100mg Alpha GPC, 40mg Hupezia Serratta, 5mg Vinpocetine, 350mg AC-11, 50mg Phosphatidylserine, 100mg Bacopa, 750mg Pterostidylserine, 300mg L-tyrosine, 200mg L-theanie, 100mg oat straw.
• Multi Vitamin
• PhenylPiracaetam- 100mg

And it starts, time to get less fat.... Results and updates to follow!

Honduras Wrap Up

It's been a week and I don't have a great excuse on why I haven't finished the re-cap of Honduras.  Well.... I guess better late than cliched never.

The last night we were there was kind strange.  Not for any real reason that one would think but mainly because at some point I was thinking about work and the outrageous amount of emails that I would have waiting for me when I got back in the office.  That's so lame to say.  Anyway.  Our taxi shuttle guy who spoke zero English and didn't come off as the happiest camper the first time we met was arriving for us at 2am the following day.  The travel company arranged it that way as it was one of the safest times to drive back through San Pedro Sula.  Since I knew we had a good 2.5+ drive back I decided to sleep/ snore the drive back since I wouldn't have to deal with the birds (or the Ex's as I've grown fond of calling them) waking me up.    I'd seen the night scenery through the country on the drive in and sleep sounded like the better choice.
We boarded the plane and since we had such a great flight down the Aether cursed us with a titan sized women who carried a lap baby screaming all flight two rows back.  My thoughts on children are well known, my thoughts on parents taking a baby on a plane without doping them up with Ambien are on par with another certain German's thoughts on the Jewish race.  Our only saving grace were noise canceling headphones (THANK YOU Bowers and Wilkins!!!), black out eye masks, and a 45 minute flight from Honduras to El Salvador.  After going through int'l security where they completely unpack your luggage, we had a short wait and then we boarded the next flight.  I am now a firm believer in "Flight Karma"; if one has a fantastic experience in the air it's going to be repaid by an equally shitty experience.  Sitting down I had agreed to give my travel partner the window seat (rookie move by me) so we settled in and set up our cameras and the GoPro to film the take off.  TACA airlines has a very lax policy on the whole "electronics can possibly cause a crash" deal.  And due to dating a person once who allowed me to ride a charted 747 and seeing other said passengers not turn off any electronics I know this to be a BS move.  Also if that freaks you out know that most flight attendants (and anyone with an ipad) rarely, if ever turn their phones off.  Flight rant complete, back to the flight.  As we wondered what the meal was going to be served a piercing wale came inching towards us; Honduran Damien from The Omen and his obviously deaf mother sat directly across from us.  Without missing a beat we both put the headphones on and instantly developed our own version of sign language with grunts, nods, and fleeting eye movement.  After the meal we both cranked up the music to drown out the hellion child and then arrived in Dallas.
Customs... ah the The US Customs Department.  After being last to get up to Customs I was told my passport was flagged.  After asking why they explained it was reported as "either being lost or stolen".  I was   taken and checked into a room with a guard and then I sat and waited.  After 30 ish minutes, where I assume my luggage was checked and re-checked, a guy came in and informed me my passport was reported lost or stolen but he was very vague, didn't say when, and couldn't exactly tell me when it was.  I was eventually allowed to leave and with my passport, but was told it was no longer valid and I'd have to purchase a new one.  Thinking about it afterwards I'm going to assume this is in relation to a certain incident involving "known past acquaintances" who are currently under federal indictment for allegedly selling weapons to Mexican Cartels.
In summation:
Honduras was a lot of fun and the company was great, yet I wouldn't go back anytime soon.  The transportation deal is a pain in the ass and the whole 160 murders per 100,00 people isn't the most comforting statistic when planning a Latin American adventure.  If those two items were taken out of the picture I would take a serious look at purchasing a vacation home in Honduras.  The people are some of the nicest in the world and the scenery is amazing.  A gorgeous beach on the Caribbean with the Pico Benito National Rain Forrest, a cloud Forrest and white water rafting is perfect scenery.  Model caliber non-self adsorbed women, fresh fish, crab, plantains, overflowing abundance of pineapple; all of these remind me of the perfect paradise.
I'm working on the next Int'l trip right now so if anyone has suggestions that aren't your typical locations (Paris, Rome, London, etc) I'll listen.  Right now it looks like it may be a South American country I haven't tried; Portugal is an option and Tokyo or Indonesia seems to be drawing my excitement too.

The Contrasting Personalities of Honduras pt 2

Day 3.  Again with the birds, only this time they started earlier.  If I would have had my Mossberg the scavengers of Honduras would have eaten well for a solid week.  Next time I'm bringing or buying a sling shot at the bare minimum.  On top of the birds we had to meet Mumbasa at the tourist station at 7:45am; I needed another hour of sleep and was cranky.  We originally planned to snorkel but the other party that was going with us cancelled so we didn't have enough people to make it worth the Captain's time to take us out.  We were a little bummed but we were able to go white water rafting instead.

Rafting was AWESOME!  By far the most exhilarating part of the trip, I'm working on editing the video for it which will give a great visual to accompany this with.  Just getting there was an experience in itself; it had been raining since 6:05 (when the birds shut the hell up) so the roads weren't in the best of shape getting to the Pico Bonito National Park.  We drove through a very poor section of the city before turning down a dirt "road" that was filled with pot holes and mini-lakes. On one side was the Cangrejal River and on the other was the village Will Smith and Martin Lawrence drove a Hummer through in Bad Boys 2. At one point the diesel van was almost stuck in 4" of water but Mumbasa was able to grind the gears and destroy enough of the tranny by going through drive and reverse like a dragster that we boiled enough water to separate us and re-corrected our path though the lake.  We then made our way up the side of the mountain, we asked it's name and he said "mountaino?" then asked how to say Mountain in English.  After narrowly missing a few families on Honda Spree scooters (that's where they go!!!) we arrived.  Our guides were fantastic and one was fluent in English while the other could say a few words but understood more than he could speak.  Both looked 17 at best which had us slightly nervous.  At this point the guide took us to the entry point after explaining that since the rain had been heavy we could go start with a section up the river made up of class IV and Class III rapids; I have never white water rafted.  We get to the entry spot and he informs us we are going to first learn how to survive if we fall out by jumping in the river, swimming as fast as we can towards the middle of the river and then flipping on our back and shooting the rapids floating on our vests.  Both my companion and I had a slight since of dread as neither of us had heard of this "learning" method.  She had been rafting before in Costa Rica and this wasn't part of their prep.  He gave us the instructions, jumped in and then singled us.  Agreeing with poor people's YOLO motto we followed suit.  Scary and fun... Luckily you are more worried about living then realizing what you are doing and the possible death surrounding you.
After mastering the CYA course we started with a class III and then promptly went into 2 class IV rapids.  Before you knew something was awkward about taking a Walmart reject inflatable kayak over a 3 meter drop in a third world country with two 17 year old guides a great smile and scream would come out in joy.  To the credit of the main guide he did stop once to ensure one section was safe for us.  Then we took off for them, but had to make a stop since he left his paddle on the shore.  We made it through all of the drops and glacier sized limestone for our break.
Stopping back at their outfit for some fresh pineapple, watermelon, and Cantaloupe and a breather we realized what just happened.  After chugging some mountain water one of the guides asked if I wanted to jump off the rocks into the rapids.  Having updated my life insurance policy and Will prior to going I made the decision this would be a good thing.  I asked how far down and he thought about it and replied "....7 meters?".  The other guide then corrected him and said it "10 meters down to the water, but not to worry it's very deep water with a good heavy flow".  In my mind this made it safer.... I still can't figure out how, but it did.  We walked over to the top of a ledge of limestone separated by the river and he explained exactly where to jump.  My colleague walked over and asked what we were doing right as he jumped; she looked down, took two steps back and said "FUCK THAT!"  I let her know I was definitely going to do it and she had just enough time to decide before I jumped.  Being a retarded American I have zero idea how far 10 meters down is.  Now the distance is permanently ingrained in my brain.  A 10 meter jump into water is just long enough for you to rethink your decision before hitting a river and then have the rapids carry you down stream.  Once I regained my bearings I looked back and she had followed me off the ledge.  We were sent into a slower section of the river where our guide was where I then asked if I could go again.  I had my GoPro strapped to my chest and wasn't sure if I got the footage.  Since I was worried more for getting the shot then my life I hiked back up the trail and jumped again.  Even scared of heights she again followed.
The rest of the trip down the Cangrejal was more talking then rapids.  We learned the guide that took us the rest of the way who looked 17 was really 37, but the other kid was 17 who had joined us earlier.  The owner of the outfit had found him in his village on the coast and brought him here for a better life.  The rain had stopped and the sun came out in force allowing us to see where the mountain went from jungle rain forest to a cloud forest at 3,800 meters up.  There was a waterfall piercing out of the side at around 1,800 meters that screamed to be repelled down.  Everything around us was reminiscent of postcards announcing the most beautiful places on earth.  We finished the river trip and headed back to the hotel worn out but wishing we could thank the party of four for cancelling snorkeling.

The Contrasting Personalities of Honduras pt 1

Everyone I know has an idea of what Honduras would be like, but no one that I've ever met has been there or talked about it.  They gave numerous comparisons to Costa Rica, or to Columbia or any other destination that seems to be more popular with tourism.  None of these quite fit what Honduras was.  The one characteristic that it does share with the above mentioned was the local pride.  Every Latin America country has an instilled a piece of her soul in each of her residents, this showed more so in Honduras than any other country I have visited.

Before we flew into San Pedro Sula we flew into San Salvador, El Salvador.  When the plane started it's decent into El Salvador all we could see were mountains and valleys covered in the most surreal green, the green a child uses when he only received the neon Crayola's and draws a Forrest.  The plane descends a little more and the green becomes more vivid, the rivers become wider, the fields are lush and the vegetation looks at any moment it could reclaim the houses and villages that surround it. When the movie scenery becomes almost too much the plane heads out towards the ocean and you see jungle give way to crystal blue water, then it veers left and arc's back towards the jungle to make it's final decent into an airport carved out of the jungle, barely keeping it at bay.  Getting off the flight my companion and I were still in shock of how rich the beauty of the jungle was compared to the flat nondescript faded yellow airport in El Salvador.  Our flight was delayed an hour giving us two hours to hang out in the airport.  After some much needed pupusas we drank a couple local beers and waited by the gate for the next leg of our journey.

Expecting to see the same mystical beauty coming from San Pedro Sula we were let down.  It was dim out and the airport was away from the city, we could small houses in the distance, lights from the city but a gorgeous jungle was not in sight.  Landing and going though customs in another airport built for function and utility, built like so many houses in this part of the world out of cement and cinder blocks with a stucco exterior.  After making it though customs we were hit with every bit of the 90% humidity my iPad had declared it would.  We were also well aware of the security with police everywhere.  San Pedro Sula is currently battling Ciudad, Juarez in Mexico for the lead of most dangerous cities in the world and even the Peace Corps has left Honduras due to it's danger.  With that in mind I'm extremely grateful I had pre-arranged for our transportation to La Ceiba.  Our driver was in plain Toyota mini-van and made our exit as quickly as possible.  Once on the road to La Ceiba he maintained 120 kph, never dropping below 80 kph.

As my travel partner slept I took in the nighttime scenery.  Every building had flood lights, metal security doors, minimum six foot high walls, and barbed wire or razor wire.  We drove past the University for Technology and you would have thought it was a converted prison.  Twelve foot barbed wire fences with extending razor wire, flood lights making the property appear as if it was noon, and guards armed with semi-automatic machine guns. Houses made of rotted wood the size of my sofa, cinder block homes no bigger than a Honda Civic, road side stands, all of these had security flood lights and bars on the window. Our driver would weave in and out of traffic with ninja like precision slowing only when military or police check points demanded it. A three hour journey was done in 2hrs and 28min and I was glad as we approached armed security guards in our gated resort around midnight.

The first full day we relaxed in the morning with a massage, the wear was shit.  It had been raining since 5:34 in the morning.  I know the exact time because prior to that every species of bird in the southern hemisphere was outside out door throwing the wildest cocktail party.  The rain finally shut them up and that is when I was able to get back to sleep.  Later that afternoon we took a taxi into town as my companion wanted to see the local markets to purchase souvenirs for people back in the states.  I don't go to flea markets here and since my friends have enough shot glasses and fake Micheal Korrs purses I went for moral support and to check out the architectural styles.  We told the cabbie to meet us back in two hours, which it turned out was about an hour and 30 minutes more than we needed.  He dropped us off in the center of town and we walked past numerous stands 4 blocks long and 2 blocks wide that housed almost the exact same thing as the previous stand.  Growing ever frustrated by their attempts to sell me Puma, Affliction, and Abercrombie shirts I was ready to jet.  That along with the little kids brush past me "accidentally" while attempting to feel if I had a wallet in my back pocket finally got the better of me and we walked to the rendezvous point early for a cold beer.  She had picked out the gifts she needed and our cab driver arrived 30 minutes early.  The market was similar to Trader's Village or Canton with one exception.  About every third or fourth girl would be a solid Dallas 8; tons of 6's and 7's all over the market too selling purses, beans, produce, etc- That blew me away.

Day two was almost the highlight of the trip, too bad it started with those asshole birds gawking at two freaking thirty and not letting up.  My companion was well aware of my wake the dead level snoring and brought ear plugs so she wasn't affected by the birds.  As repayment for her foresight I made her take the bed directly under the vent while I took the one on the other side of the room, leaving the AC on 50 and the overhead fan on.  The AC control was above the closet door and her 5'0 stature didn't allow her to adjust it to a sane temperature.  

Anything that involves speed and danger are things that I like.  They usually end up costing me a broken bone, a torn ligament or something similar but this time I went away unscathed.  We had deceived to go zip lining (if that's a real word) through the jungle.  It was a gorgeous day to spend flying across a rain forest on steel cables a kilometer long with no helmet and using work gloves as our "brake".  Since there were only two of us from our resort they paired us up with a group who were staying at an Eco Lodge not to far away. This group was about the same age as us but they all lived in the Cayman's and were on contracts as accountants there; 3 from South Africa, 2 from the UK, 1 from Brazil, and a Kira Knightly looking chick from Poland.  We all had a great time going through the zip lines and cracking up at each other's expressions when we'd pass each other in flight.  One zip line was a full kilometer long and a few were almost that.  Flying through the trees of the jungle, looking 50' down to the canopy floor and then seeing the Caribbean Ocean on your right is wonderful.  I'm so glad I live at a time where that is possible and allowed.  Since they didn't bother giving us helmets I strapped my GoPro on my head and filmed the whole thing.  18 canopy stations later we were led to a natural occurring hot spring where they would give us a massage and then a mud bath. During the zip lines I was flirting with Polish Kira Knightly but I didn't know she was from Poland, I thought she said UK.  Normally this wouldn't matter; things were progressing and going well.  When we all changed and hoped into the hot springs she was suddenly absent and would go out of her way to stay away from me.  I couldn't figure it out until later I learned she was from Poland and the tattoo of the German Flag on my arm gave her PTSD.  I sure did dig those black and pink hi-top Nike dunks she was rocking with shorts... Oh well.